lazy days

Here I sit. In my bed. Feeling all kinds of lazy. I have had a rough couple of days, but I must say they were a breeze in comparison to the pain I was feeling before. As an update, I started having some abdominal pain in the middle of July. Clueless me had no idea what was happening so I change my diet up and cut out some things. It still happened. Then last Sunday it was really bad. Started while we were at church. I felt nauseated and in so much pain. It happened again Thursday night, but much milder. Then again Friday night. I woke up because of the pain at 3 am. I couldn't lay down, I couldn't sit up, I couldn't even stand up. It just hurt too much. I knew something was far more serious then just something I was eating. So I finally drove myself to the ER (Shay was out of town).

They ran some tests and found out I had a gallstone. That little tiny stone was causing all that trouble. So dumb. They did a procedure on Saturday afternoon. I was so scared of not the procedure and all the risks the doctor was telling me about but of the actual anesthesia. I don't know why, but I am scared to death of that stuff. I don't like loosing control. I'm almost positive it stems from all the seizures I used to have. I had a panic attack at the dentist when they gave me the gas stuff to pull my wisdom teeth. I made them stop, and opted to go without. I can't stand it. I don't have that option here. So as they hooked me up and gave me the special cocktail, tears formed in my throat and I kept praying “God, please keep me calm.” That was the last thing I remember. I woke up so thankful that God kept me not only safe but calm. You have no idea just how much that meant to me.

A piece of advice...never give a girl her phone while she's still under the influence of drugs. Apparently, I was on facebook before I was coherent. Jim was there taking pictures of me to send to my mom for peace of mind and I offered to make a funny face for him. I can't believe the picture he took. Alyssa came as well, in place of my mom and sister. She was the informant. I could not remember a thing that went down. So thankful to have such good friends.

So Sunday, I was feeling good. Felt back to normal. Slightly sore and still a little nauseous as they told me I would be. I even went to church and had a slice of pizza to eat. But Monday was not so good. Monday, I was really really weak and dizzy. There were some signs of possible internal bleeding. I went and had some lab work done. The guy was awesome. He took my blood so fast and he was funny too. Made the whole process easy. He even checked out Shay's veins. I think that was his way of flirting. No worries, she flashed her diamond and told him her veins were taken.

Shay said since I was such a good girl, she was going to treat me to some frozen yogurt. Well, we never made it. I started to pass out in the car. It was a scary time for me, but Shay stayed calm. She was driving and still helping me breath and stay focused on her. She was amazing. I am so very very thankful to have such an awesome nurse at my side.

The signs didn't stop by Tuesday morning so they asked me to come back to the ER. Derick brought me this time. He eased the tension a little for me by writing dumb questions for the doctor on the dry erase board. They ended up deciding to go through the procedure again and insert a camera to see if I was bleeding still and so forth. So here we go again. Not only did God help me through it, but He took my fear away. The result being no more bleeding. It had been bleeding but had stopped on its own. So today I am resting, taking it easy. I feel sore still but that could be from the second procedure.

I know some of this is too much info for some of you, but I wanted to give peace of mind to the moms who were worried but for another reason as well. This was a little something I thought about since I've had so much time on my hands lately. A spiritual something that I've taken away from this. Sin should be like that gallstone in our lives. When there is even a small amount we should be able to feel it and know its presence. It should make us so uncomfortable that we can't function. So uncomfortable that we have to be rid of it ASAP.

I've also found in my life that I hold onto the sin. I'm too scared to let go, like I was too scared to go to the ER or undergo the anesthesia. Even knowing the pain its causing me, I'm still hesitant. But we must let go. We must remove the sin in our lives hence it destroy us. The procedure only appears scarier than it is, and God promises the rewards far outweigh anything you could be holding onto.

There are signs of the venomous sin as well, that you are holding onto it. You just have to keep an eye out for them. Too often we become numb to the pain. We've endured it for so long that we ignore it and treat it as a normal fixture in our lives. That's not the way to live. We want to live free of burden. Free of pain. The sin in our lives costs us, but as Roy Hession said in his book Calvary Road, “On our knees we must go with it to Calvary and see Jesus there and get a glimpse of what that sin cost Him.”

Just the passing thoughts of a very lazy girl today.