good vs evil

I remember the tragic day of April 20, 1999, like it was yesterday. I was in my junior year of high school . It just hit too close to home. I read the biography of Cassie Bernall as soon as it was published. Soon after, I purchased the book about Rachel Scott. I was never able to get through it. I had an emotional breakdown with each page. Too much for me to bear at such a young age.

Thirteen years later, we are faced with another senseless tragedy. My stomach turns. My heart breaks. The moment they released the names, it all became too real. They weren't just numbers anymore. They were real people with names, with families, with futures.

I can't help but think about Christmas around the corner. Last week, the media was covering debates over "holiday" trees and banned nativity scenes. This week, most of our media will seek the advice or comfort of a church or a religious group. Most of our country will attend a church service. Last week, we wanted nothing to do with God. This week, we wonder where He was during this tragedy.

The father of Rachel Scott was asked to speak in a congressional hearing after his daughter's death. This is some of what he said:

"Since the dawn of creation, there has been both good and evil in the hearts of men and women, and we all contain those seeds: We contain the seeds of kindness and we contain the seeds of violence. And the death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other 11 children who died must not be in vain. Their blood cries out for answers...

"I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expressed my feelings best, and it was written before I knew that I would be speaking here today, and I'd like to read that:

Your law's ignored our deepest needs

Your words are empty air

You've stripped away our heritage

You've outlawed simple prayer

Now gunshots fill our classrooms

And precious children die

You seek for answers everywhere

And ask the question "why?"

You regulate restrictive laws

Through legislative creed

And yet you fail to understand

That God is what we need

"Men and women are three part being: we have a body, and we have a soul, and we have a spirit...And I believe we fail to recognize that third element, that really does need to be recognized by the legislative bodies of this country, that's been ignored for so long...

"We don't need more religion, we don't need more gaudy television evangelists spewing out verbal religious garbage, we do not need more million dollar church buildings built while people's basic needs are being ignored. We do need a change of heart and a humble acknowledgment that this nation was founded on the principle of simple trust in God."

"Seek good, not evil  that you may live. Then the Lord God Almighty will be with you, just as you say He is" (Amos 5:14 NIV).

This week, remember the true meaning of Christmas. Remember that Christ came to save, to redeem, to conquer evil. Burn this in your mind. Teach it to your children. Choose good. Choose God. And share with others. 

(You can find the full transcript of this speech here.)

blue-eyed Bing and Christmas things

It's that time of year...(I sang that by the way. Add the music in your own head as you read it. Or don't. It's up to you.) My favorite time of year. I love to decorate the tree. It's a tradition my mom and I share. The last few years it hasn't been the same, but we do what we can. In years past, I would put on some Bing Crosby, make some hot chocolate, and get to work making a tree Martha Stewart would envy. This year it was more of a "just get it done" thing.

I also love to shop. Yes, I am aware my shopping is a problem, but this is the one time of year I have a license to shop. This year we drew names. We can't afford to get everyone something, so one person buys for one person. I hate that. I want to give to everyone.

This year, for the first time we won't all be together. So if you are following along, no Bing Crosby, limited shopping, and no complete family. To add to this my birthday is this week. Used to be exciting. Now...not so much.

If I'm not careful, Christmas will lose its magic for me. I'll start focusing on all the things that are missing and thinking about all the things I wish I could do (like snow angels). Oh and let's not get started on those eHarmony commercials that just love to point out the fact that you're still single. Blast you online dating sites and your cheerful love-dovey commercials!

I have to remind myself that although Bing and hot chocolate are wonderful, they are not what Christmas is about. I get so caught up in myself that I forget about other people.

This is the time of year that people who are hurting hurt more. People who are lonely are lonelier than ever. They feel their loss more. Let us not get so caught up in our Christmas lists and strategic elf placements that we forget to tell our loved ones just how important they are to us. Forget about pricey gifts and flamboyant nonsense, find someone to love on this Christmas. Seek out those who may be hurting or lonely. Hold their hand, give them a hug, and just let them know how much they mean to you.

When you start thinking about others, you won't notice all the things you are "missing".

Brandon and Jessica Kerns

It's been almost two months since I last wrote a blog. It's been several months since I've even thought about writing my book. I'm exhausted. My mind is at a loss. I've been on a roller coaster for months now, and I think I'm finally getting somewhat accustomed to the constant up and down. I'm finding some clarity through the madness. Someday, I may write about all we've been through this last year or especially these last few months. However, today I just want to talk about my sister.

Jessica is special. She has unique gifts and abilities, but rarely had the confidence to use them. God has done a major work in her life the last few years. I credit Granite United Church for a lot of it. They helped her see her value and helped her develop her abilities. It's always hard to distinguish the truth from friends or relatives because you know they are bias, but when others say it you begin to believe it. That's what happened with Jess. She began to blossom and grow. I barely recognized the woman she became.

A couple years ago, a new kid showed up at school. He was humorous, kind, utmost gentlemen, and had an extreme love of ketchup. It was bound to happen. Not sure who fell first or if it was a simultaneous combustion, but God put these two together and nothing could separate them. It happened fast. No one understood it. It didn't make much sense, but Jessica and Brandon fell in love.

As quickly as the romance began, the relationship maintained speed throughout. They were engaged before the end of the year. It seemed as if they were married a few days later, although I know it was a little longer than that.

The words “Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love with you...” played softly as she floated down an aisle lined with candles towards the love of her life. There was no mistaking this union. It was meant to be and no one could stop the magnetic pull they each felt.

They wanted to take their time and enjoy being a married couple before having kids, but God just laughed at their plans. Ten months later Kade Jameson Kerns arrived.

This last year hasn't been easy. They had to fight to be together. They struggled to make the wedding happen. They worked hard to survive. They've been in and out of the hospital for almost three months. And now today, as they celebrate their one year anniversary, they are in a hospital again.

Some may wonder why God is punishing them so, but I see it differently. I think of Job. I think of how God CHOSE Job because He knew Job could handle it. He knew that it would only make Job stronger. It would only refine him. I believe God has something huge for this couple. He is refining them and molding them and preparing them for something big. He has chosen them. I feel so blessed to be able to witness the work being done in their lives. They have lived through and survived what others would never even attempt if given the chance. Their marriage is stronger because of it.

Happy Anniversary Jessica and Brandon!

Let it rain

When I was a little girl, my grandmother died. My parents asked if I wanted to go to the funeral, but having never been to one, I was too scared. So I stayed with my other grandma that night at her little shop. There was a little bed set up in the back of the store for me. That night I remember they had left the back door opened for some reason and I was lying on the bed staring out into the night. I cried and cried for the loss of my beloved grandmother. Then as if God mourned with me, the skies opened up and it began to rain.

 That was the night I fell in love with rain. Throughout the years rain has done its job, refreshing the land and refilling our water supplies. Somehow though it never fails. When someone close passes away, it rains. 

It rained for a week when Andy died. There were so many times that week that I hugged a friend and we ended up weeping in each others arms. That's how I picture it with rain. I like to tell myself that it's Gods way of comforting me, showing me that He is there with me. He's holding me and weeping with me. 

Tuesday morning a greatfriend of mine passed away. Pastor Dan Holland was rare. In the twenty years I've known him and his family, I have never seen him waver. I've never seen him fumble. I've never seen him be any less than 100% devoted to God and the church. 

He had such a calm and cheerful demeanor. He never had to command respect. He treated you in such a way that respect was easily given. Never too busy to give a hug or encouraging word. He was a very intelligent man but never was arrogant. So wise. 

He played a major role in my own spiritual development.  I will forever be grateful for the ministry he had at Community Baptist Church and Academy.  

Last night I attended the viewing. Hundreds, if not thousands, walked through that church last night. Each one of them was a life he had touched and invested in. 

It began to rain while we were waiting in line to get into the church. A few times the electricity cut off. Thunder rumbled. Lightning struck. The wind whipped. God was there. It wasn't the peaceful comfort I typically receive but more of the knowledge that God knew just how we all were feeling. 

As I walked away I saw the line go through the church, outside the church, and around. Most standing in the rain. 

My friend called me after she left. She wanted me to know that as she pulled out of the church parking lot there was a rainbow situated over top of the church. 

God knows this isn't easy but He promises that there is a purpose for it and that it all works out for good. 

Dan Holland inspired, encouraged, and invested in so many lives. It didn't end the moment he took his last breath. His impact will last and it will reach others.  

This morning is the funeral. Please pray for his family. My heart breaks for them...his wife Debby, his son Tim and his family, and his daughter Tracie and her family.  Pray also for his  church family. There are so many that are hurting. Pray that they will feel some of God's comfort today.

And let it rain. 

my overflow

I write another blog for the church and sometimes I find that writing just one isn't enough. I have an overflow of thoughts that cannot be contained. This last week at church, Pastor talked about the woman in I Kings 17 who was asked to feed Elijah. She had only enough to make a last meal for her and her son before finally succumbing to starvation and dying.

Recently, money has been tight. Like really tight. There are days when we are counting pennies and making each one stretch a little. Been here before. Survived. Will survive this too, but there are days when you just can't help but want to complain. You want to play the pity card. You want to scream in frustration and throw your hands up in defeat. Then...

Then you read I Kings 17. Hmmm...guess I may have blown my situation a little out of proportion. Feelings of embarrassment and guilt rush to the surface. Sorry for being such a drama queen, God. 

Not only did this woman restrain herself from a full out complaining session, but she fed Elijah. She did it. She sacrificed the last of her flour and oil to feed this man of God. 

I saw a status the other day that said "'Enoch walked with God and he was not, for God took him.' Let me walk with God in the same manner." I feel the same way with this passage. I hope I can possess the strength, the faith, and the surrender that this woman possessed.

make it count

I know I've mentioned it before, but sometimes I can't help but look back and regret time wasted. I think of all the things I could've should've done, but somehow never actually did. I always had excuses. I thought they were perfectly good excuses...at the time. Now I just see them as excuses.

The lessons learned are...

#1 Don't live in the past. Stop thinking about all the things that you can't change. Look ahead at the things you can change.

#2 Now this is the good part..."I am certain that God, who began the good work within you will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." (Phil. 1:6 NLT)

God has a plan. Everything up until now has been orchestrated by Him for a purpose. He is doing a work in and through you. And no matter how far you fall or how many opportunities you miss out on, He isn't giving up until Christ returns. Can I get an amen?

So I look forward, knowing He is still working on me. I'm still usable. And what an awesome thought is that?! No more time wasted. Make every minute count.

release

Feels like I've been here forever

Why can't You just intervene

Do You see the tears keep falling

And I'm falling apart at the seams

But You never said the road would be easy

But You said that You would never leave.

You never promised that this life wasn't hard

But You promised You'd take care of me

So I'll stop searching for the answers

I'll stop praying for an escape

I'll trust You God with where I am 

And believe that You will have Your way

Even if my dreams have died

Even if I don't survive

I'll still worship You with all my life

("Have Your Way" by Britt Nicole)

Too often I find myself praying that God make changes in my current situations. I long for an escape from the mundane. I forget that even now there is a work being done in my life. Even when I feel as if I am not making progress, not moving forward, it is because He is telling me "Wait." His will is perfect. His timing, impeccable. Who am I to question it? 

This does not mean I wait and do nothing. It may mean that I need to learn to "Let go and let God," releasing control. It may also mean there is a purpose in the here and now. Am I fulfilling it? And in the end, worshiping Him regardless of the outcome.

"The deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end but by making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: 'Thy will be done'."--Elisabeth Elliot

Introducing...my dad

My father, an intelligent, wise, godly man, has agreed to guest blog for me. He is launching his own blog as well, entitled Just Sayin' @ rodgerwright.blogspot.com. Check it out sometime...

Trust

     Someone has said, "Trust is one of the hardest things to gain and the easiest to lose." Yet trust is at the core of our relationships and especially our relationship with God. In fact, God says that it is "impossible" to please Him without faith.

What is faith? It is the belief in something or someone to the point of action. That takes trust! For a child, trust is easy because they haven't lived long enough to have their trust violated. However, it isn't long when that trust is violated by a friend, or even worse a parent.

The fact of the matter is this, if you have lived as long as I have lived then somebody has violated your trust! It happens. Even when the people who have offended had the best intentions at hand. Consequently, every time trust has been violated, it makes it harder to trust again. We build a cynisism in our being, walls to protect us, doors for a way out just in case.

The problem is, we relate to God in the same way. We say we have faith, but many times it is with a guarded attitude. We will not "launch out into the deep" (Luke 5:4, especially when it doesn't make sense), we instead push off the shore just far enough where we can easily jump out and get back to shore if we have to. Yet I have found in my experience that God never asks us to just push off the shore. No, He seems to ask us to jump off the cliff. It is like He makes it as hard as He can, where if we do only He can catch us or else we are just screwed!

A year and a half ago, my wife, Patti, and I came to a place in our lives and ministry that God was moving us to "launch." It made absolutely no sense whatsoever. I had established a church that was paying me a good salary, the church was debt free and seeing the lost come to Christ. My wife was running a successful business as a hair salon owner/operator. Our kids were off to college and succeeding, one daughter was married, our son in high school looking forward to his senior year in high school. I lived in South Florida and had recently picked up a hobby that I thoroughly enjoyed, surfing. I would surf three or four times a week, had a great tan and loving life. Yet there was something gnawing at my soul. I was comfortable and it was uncomfortable for me to be comfortable. It really began five years earlier but I kept saying no, it's just a phase. However, Patti was feeling the same discomfort. We began to seek what God would have us do, to make a long story short, we connected with a church in Philadelphia. Things were going great but it was hard, and things were not working out. In the process of time we ended up moving to Massachusetts to be near where one of my daughters live and serve in a church. We have since begun to be heavily involved in this church. Now I said all that to say this. We are in a place where we don't know what is going on in our lives. We have seen God work and meet our needs but it is difficult.

The point is we launched and the fruition of what God is leading us to has not happened yet. So the other day in one of those moments when you are frantic and fearful as to how we are going to make it, God showed me the following verse in Luke,

"But when Jesus heard what had happened, he said to Jairus, 'Don't be afraid. Just trust me, and she will be all right'."

The context of the story is as follows, Jesus was on His way to the house of a Jewish ruler of the local synagogue named Jarius. Jarius had come to where Jesus was to ask Him to come and heal his daughter. So Jesus obliged and began the trek to his house. All of a sudden, some of the servants came to meet Jarius to tell him not to bother Jesus because his daughter was dead. Wow! Jarius stepped out to trust Jesus and all for nothing. It is like his trust has been violated. Here's the deal, we struggle to trust God because often trust has been violated by others, especially those we value.

Can I be candid. I know I'm a pastor, I've been a Christian for over 30 years, this shouldn't be, but it is, sometimes I feel like God has let me down. Hey even David felt that way a time or two. I can imagine Jarius' heart sank into his gut when he heard those words, but then Jesus spoke. He said "Don't Be Afraid!" Are you kidding me? I mean really? His daughter is dead. No use going any further! Right? Wrong.

First take into consideration the person speaking. This is Jesus talking. You know the One who brought the universe into existance. Secondly listen to His offer, "just trust Me." We are not asked to trust in someone or something that can't deliver. I mean even those who love me and really have the best of intentions, who have made promises to me have failed, because they just can't deliver, but Jesus can, He is God!

When Jesus says "she'll be all right," She'll be all right! When I read that it was as though God was saying to me, 'Trust Me, I got this! So once again I was faced with the decision to launch into the deep. I'm glad that my Savior has my back. He doesn't have my back because I deserve it but because He loves me and has made a covenant to keep His promise!

I don't know how all of this will end up, but I know that He love me and He has this covered. Therefore I'll just trust Him. I will act upon my faith.

Just Sayin'

a mere touch

I've been rummaging through the pictures from my trip to Italy and Israel this past year, reliving all the things I had seen and experienced. I feel this strong pull to return...to learn more, to see more. One of the places that really stood out to me was Capernaum. There we were at the Sea of Galilee where Jesus' ministry began. This is what remains of the synagogue.

The foundation, the black stone in the first picture, is the original foundation. My group sat under the trees next to the synagogue and recounted the story of the woman who reached out and touched the hem of His garment.

"Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, 'If I only touch His cloak, I will be healed.' Jesus turned and saw her. 'Take heart, daughter,' He said, 'your faith has healed you.' And the woman was healed from that moment." Mt. 9:20-22 NIV

This week, the band is learning a new song to sing this weekend. It's lyrics immediately transported me back to that spot underneath the trees in Capernaum where I sat and shed tears craving the faith this woman had possessed. Just one touch is all we need.

In Mt. 9 you find that Jesus was on His way to bringing a dead child back to life. There was a crowd surrounding Him, all waiting for this huge miracle to happen. This woman didn't want to interrupt Him. She knew that the mere brush of His garment would be powerful enough to cleanse her. To cure her.

That's the kind of faith we should all yearn to have. To reach out knowing that He will provide. To step out knowing He will heal. Knowing He will change your life forever, and all you need is just one touch.

friends

I don't find it purely coincidental when something keeps appearing throughout my week. It's God. He'll bring something to my attention on Sunday, then I'll read it again on Tuesday. Or someone will bring it up on Thursday. I absolutely love it, well...most of the time anyways. 


This past Sunday, Pastor spoke about being a part of a team, having the right people surrounding you--two are better than one. Then this week my Bible study was on the topic of sin and where it begins. There was a statement made that said, "All rebellion begins with isolation."


I knew God was trying to tell me something. I began to think back to the times I was far from God and realized each time, one thing was consistent....I had isolated myself. 


Personally, when I am alone, my thoughts get the best of me. I begin to doubt myself, and my insecurities flare. I begin to feel lonely. Sometimes I get upset that no one's around, never mind that I pushed them away. It's inevitable that I become vulnerable and weak. That's when Satan attacks. 


You need people in your lives. People that hold you accountable. People that encourage and lift you up. My father always told me you need two types of friends: those who encourage you and those that you encourage.


If you are constantly pouring your life into the lives of others, you will quickly get burned out. If you are constantly sucking all the encouragement out of others for your own benefit, you will quickly have no friends. And if you have no friends, then you need to evaluate why. There needs to be a balance. 


Beth Moore says, "I want people in my life who love me enough to offend me if necessary and help me not to fall." And I believe you also need to be that kind of person for others as well. 


I suggest you take an inventory on those around you, and see which category they fit into. Do they encourage you or do you encourage them? Are both sides accounted for? Or have you isolated yourself and become vulnerable?

comfort level

I've still been dwelling a lot on the whole concept of change. There have been many, many changes in my life and the lives of my family members these last couple of years. Jess and I graduated from school, Aaron from high school. My parents left everything in Florida, moved then moved again. Shay made the heartbreaking decision to file for divorce. Jess and Brandon said "I do." I moved from Boston to Boise. Shay and I moved from Boise back to Boston. Now we are all back together again, serving at a church in New Hampshire. Oh, and there will be another major change coming on August 4th-ish...when I become an aunt. Yes, Jess and Brandon are expecting. 


Life is full of change and we must be open to it. Yes, I still think about the days when life seemed so much easier and comfortable. But I realized this week, we aren't called to be comfortable or complacent. That isn't what we are here for. That isn't our purpose. 


For example, I'm not a limelight kinda girl. I'm behind the scenes, or behind the computer. I write. I don't speak publicly or stand center stage. I've always enjoyed singing, and in my family its just what we do. My sisters have these phenomenal power house voices. I could never compete, nor did I want to. So I learned to harmonize. 


Now recently I was given the opportunity to sing with the worship team at church. I've done this before, but always in a small church, never in one the size of the church I am now attending. Scared out of my mind, and way out of my element, I went for it knowing this was what God wanted from me. I had the safety net of my sister on stage and I was not asked to lead, therefore all was good. I finally became comfortable. 


Bad mistake. Never become comfortable. They decided to give Shay a weekend off. I didn't have a safety net. I needed her. I couldn't do it on my own. Then they gave me not one, but two songs. Yikes. Were these people crazy? I practiced and practiced. Then right before the first note came out of my mouth I realized something. 


It doesn't matter. God could use me regardless of my nerves. Regardless of my inability to transform into Carrie Underwood, Beyonce, or Kelly Clarkson. Regardless of any of it. Because it wasn't about me. It never is about me. It's always about Him. I think that's why He's so quick to use those who need Him most. Because you can see that much more of God's power.


In Judges 7, it's the story of Gideon fighting the Midianites. They start with 32,000 men and God says "too many." God continues to weed through the men until finally only 300 remain. They ended up entering the enemy camp armed with only a ram's horn and clay pot. And they won!


God wants you to see where you end and He begins. He wants you to remember it is all about Him. I love that in the process He's still able to use me in spite of all my failings and inabilities. I'll give up some comfort for that any day. 

inadequate

You know that feeling when you are so out of your element it's not even funny. Like the time I mistakenly thought I could be an athlete and tried out for the track team and almost died halfway through the first lap (and that's when I was in shape). Or like Penny on Big Bang Theory when the guys are talking Quantum Physics. You feel inadequate.

I feel that way a lot when I think of some people with great faith such as Jim Elliot. Like I could never be like that. Or maybe modern day people that I look up to like Beth Moore. I wish I had her smarts and her ability to communicate those smarts. Or Tim Tebow, football aside, the man is crazy unique. I can't fathom the temptations he withstands, the obstacles he faces, and the determination he possesses to take the stand he takes. I feel inadequate.

I mentioned in my last post about Gideon. He felt inadequate too. He couldn't get past the way he viewed himself.

Then the LORD turned to him and said, "Go with the strength you have, and rescue Israel from the Midianites. I am sending you!" 

"But Lord," Gideon replied, "how can I rescue Israel? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!" Judges 6:14-15 NLT

God sees us as a masterpiece. He sees us as a work of art that He has created with His own hands. And too often we forget that. Pastor said God doesn't see us as we are, but as what we are to become in Him. We are a work in progress. We are the clay that He is molding and creating to become the beautiful and useful vessel.

I was doing my study in the life of David this morning, and Beth Moore was speaking about the moment in 2 Samuel 6 where David returned and danced without abandon before the Lord. It's kind of off subject, but I just kept thinking...What is it that hinders us from throwing caution to the wind and just living for God without abandon?

Why do we get so caught up in our limitations? It's a good thing that the Apostle Paul didn't get caught up in the whole “do you know what I did in the past, God?” Or what about Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary? You've got a schemer, prostitute, idol worshiper, adulterer, and an unknown virgin teenager all in the lineage of Christ. Wow!

Stop thinking about what you can't do and start asking God what He can.

hindrance

The last few weeks, I've been talking about change. You probably don't need me to say it again, but it's a series my church is going through. Change is something I struggle with on a daily basis, so a series like this is bound to become ingrained in my mind. I think of nothing else through the week. Change. How can I do it? How can I use the message given this weekend and apply it to my life to bring about change?


This weekend Pastor spoke about Gideon. Gideon had to get past the way he viewed himself before God could use him in the way He had purposed. We can't continue until we see ourselves the way God sees us. He sees us as a masterpiece. I could camp here for awhile, but I've decided to wait and come back to this thought later. How do you get beyond yourself to see the big picture, the big purpose?


I was reading Hebrews 12 this morning. I read it when I need a boost. It's like a Biblical protein shake. I started thinking about God's overall purpose and how we each have a race we must run. Then I started thinking about how I personally hold up the race because I can't let go of the sin that slows me down and hinders my progress.


Then I continued to read:


"Think about all he endured when sinful people did such terrible things to Him, so that you don't become weary and give up. After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin." Hebrews 12:3-4 NLT


Wow. I think my struggle is difficult. I give up on a daily basis, and have to start over again the next day. I complain that its all too hard, too difficult. Then I read this and realize my life is a piece of cake...with frosting on top. Why do I fight so hard against change? Why do I give up so easily each day only to start over? Why can't I strive harder? Why can't I push more?


It's because I can't see the big picture. I lose focus and train my eyes on the small things and forget about the race, forget about my purpose. Don't be blind to it. Each day is a struggle. Each day, you have to wake up and fight...well yourself, your sin nature. Look past it. Look beyond yourself. Focus on the race and the purpose He has for your life. Don't let the little things weigh you down and hinder you. Change. Get rid of them. They aren't worth it anyways.


"...'Once again I will shake not only the earth, but the heavens also.' This means that the things on earth will be shaken so that only eternal things will be left. Since we are receiving a Kingdom that cannot be destroyed, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping Him with holy fear and awe. For our God is a consuming fire." Hebrews 12: 26b-29

wanting vs doing

How many of you made a resolution to lose weight this year? How many of you started a diet on Monday and by Wednesday gave up?

I absolutely love the show Biggest Loser. It's so inspiring to see these people who have hit rock bottom, face the very obstacles that they never thought they could conquer. But do you know what I do every season its on? I watch from my couch, and sometimes there is ice cream involved.  And I know I am not the only overweight person who does this.

Why do we wait until we are out of options until we make a change? Why do we just dream of a better life instead of doing something about it? We started the series, Epic Change, at church this weekend. Pastor spoke out of Judges 6:1-6. It says that Israel continually did evil and because of that, God gave them over to the enemy army. Eventually Israel was reduced to the point of starvation. It was then that they sought God for help.

They ended up in a place of depression and emptiness. Too often we allow that in our own lives. If we really dwell on things, we can see the areas in our lives that need to be changed. That's not the hard part though. The hard part is putting the work into it. On the Biggest Loser, the difficult part for them is not facing the scale. Nope. It's the months of blood, sweat, and tears that follow. You have to put in the work to actually change. That's the difference between wanting to change and actually changing.

Oh how hard this is for me to grasp! I want to be thin, but oh how fun cooking is...and it seems to be so much more fun with butter. So I ask myself which do I want more? To be thin or to eat cheesecake? I only use this as an illustration though. I'm not really talking about dieting (just to myself).

"Therefore since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us." --Hebrews 12:1 NLT

So what sin is holding you back? What's distracting you? What is it in your life that you need to change? Just like me with my diet, everyone has their cheesecake moments. And everyone has a decision to make. So are you going to wait until you hit rock bottom and are out of options until you realize you need change? Or are you going to do something about it today?

change

Change. I like to change my clothes. My sister, Shay, really likes to change her clothes. 

In my family, something is wrong with you if you don't change your hair color at least 2 or 3 times a year, at least. 

I've always loved coin change. I like to save it up and take it to coin star and see how much I accumulated. 

I LOVE changing up the furniture in my room! I get that rearranging gene from my mother. My dad, brother, and new brother-in-law hate this because I have such heavy furniture. I can't stand how it is now and want to change it so badly, but I haven't figured out how yet. I just know I will never hear the end of it if I ask them to move it and I don't like it, yet again. 

I really enjoy changing my nail polish. When I was in high school there was this guy that liked my feet. I know, really weird. I should have taken that as a red flag, but at the time I thought it was cute. Since I wore flip flops every day to school, and he was always looking, I literally repainted my toes every night. I'm not sure who was weirder...me or him. Although I must say, I do have cute feet, but I digress.

Some people hate change. They despise it. They run from it. They can't handle the thought of moving the dresser to the other side of the room to give more space and accessibility. Who cares if its more logical. It's change and they can't do it. 

My church is starting a new series this Sunday called Epic Change. I am so excited about this, yet, at the same time scared to death. I know that this will affect the areas where I don't welcome change. 

I've been working through this study on the life of David by Beth Moore. I forget to do it some days then find its been a month since I had picked up the book. Wanting to get back into the habit of it at the beginning of the year, I joined my mom and sister the other day and we did it together. The other morning it was talking about Saul in I Samuel 28. In this passage, Saul is seeking an answer from God, but God is not responding. 

Beth Moore points out some reasoning behind why God may have been silent. She says, "God never responds haphazardly, nor does He withhold an answer without regard. Why is God silent at times? Isaiah 59:1-3 gives us one very valid explanation for God's occasional silence, and one which certainly applied to Saul at this time. Isaiah wrote:

Your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear."

There have been many moments in my life where I have felt like God has been silent, as if He isn't listening to me. I've become angry and bitter because areas of my life aren't changing. I've felt stagnant when I've wanted change, and I've blamed God for not paying attention to my requests and pleas.

This study really opened my eyes to feelings and thoughts I've kept repressed. Moore points out that in Isaiah it doesn't say God can't hear, but that He won't. She says, "He was waiting on me to confront and confess certain sins in my life. His silence suggested, 'I will not go on to another matter in your life, my child, until we deal with this one'."

Sometimes we interfere with our own possibility of change. We cannot grow, but must remain stagnant until we confess and confront the sins that hold us back. I want change. Even if its painful and uncomfortable. I don't want complacency anymore. I want to press forward and grow in Christ. I want to be able to face Him knowing I gave it my all. I don't want to look back and regret the years I refused to change.