another book

Many of you know I'm a Tim Tebow fan. He came out with a book in May, and I just got around to buying it. If you are a sports fan, you'll like the book. If you like reading inspiring books, you'll like this book as well. It is called Through My Eyes. He recounts all the events leading up to where he is today in the NFL.

I must say, I started feeling guilty sitting there reading the book as he was talking about all the work he does. I would always end up putting down the book after 20 min of reading to go do something useful ha. He really does have an amazing work ethic. It's also a very convicting read. He lives a life that puts most Christians to shame. Myself included. He talks about how just using the talents and abilities God gave us naturally isn't enough. That we are required to give our very best and to make those natural abilities even better so that it is a good reflection of our Creator. He speaks of how important his witness is and how upset he gets when people take their Christian witness lightly. That is how people see Christ, it isn't to be taken lightly.

There are parts that I feel I need a translator for when he's talking through all the big games at UF and calling out plays. I have no clue what he is talking about ha. Regardless, I highly recommend this book. Very inspiring read.

a highlighter worthy read

I just realized that I haven't shared with you some of my favorite books, and that is such a major flaw on my part. I LOVE reading. I'm currently sitting in a library surrounded by them and just can't decide where to start. I'm always reading. Of course, I haven't done much of that lately because #1 I've been pretty busy, but #2 I'm also working on writing my book so I don't want to clutter my mind or get sidetracked. Therefore this library is a supreme temptation to me.

I've always read a lot. My family constantly teased me about my addiction. But I learned how to ignore them. I used to have to lock myself in the bathroom, sometimes climbing into the empty tub fully clothed to read a chapter or two in silence. Then I got used to them and now I can read in the middle of a crowded room and block them all out. A couple members of my family have no interest in reading. Recently though, I have talked Shay into reading my number one favorite (to be shared later), since then she has pretty much been reading nonstop. I find it so funny to see her "addicted" like I've always been.

I want to share with you my top five fiction and non-fiction books. Then again I may not stop at five, who knows where this may go. I'll post a link to Amazon.com for each book. I'm thinking they should give me a discount or something for all this advertisement. Just a thought.

Today, I'll share with you one of the hardest yet smallest books I have ever read. Calvary Road by Roy Hession is a much needed but excruciating look in the mirror. I highly recommend this book for every Christian. I ended up highlighting most of the entire book, and cried through a majority of it. I had to read it as part of a counseling class I took a few years ago. The class was called Self Confrontation, and dealt with self counseling. This book really made me re-evaluate all I had thought about myself and my walk with Christ. It was the first of six books I had to read for the class. Each one taught me more and more. However, this book is an excellent place to start. I reread it every year now just as a reminder.

It is an old book. I think it was written about fifty years ago. But what it is teaching is timeless. I love the analogies Hession uses throughout the book. For example, Calvary Road. He explains how, as Christians, we are all traveling this road to the cross. The entrance requires you to be bent and broken before Him to get through. The road is very narrow and you run the risk of falling off. I John 1:5-7 says:

"This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth: But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin."


Hession points out that this road to Calvary requires you to walk in light. The moment we allow sin to enter, we fall off the road and into darkness. I won't give away too much of the book, but I found myself thinking about how much of my life I spent thinking I was on the straight and narrow. After reading this book, I realized I've actually been walking in the ditch on the side of the road. It was humbling and eye-opening. 


It definitely puts you in your place, but when it comes to things that involve my relationship with Christ I would rather be put in my place and hurting then walking ignorantly and aimlessly in the ditch.


I promise to give you a more light-hearted read after this, but I promise you won't regret reading this one even  if you do find yourself in tears and covered with highlighter ink.

chocolate chronicles revived???

Several years ago, a book caught my attention, "Secrets of An Irresistible Woman." Ooh I wanted to be that! I bought it and subsequently highlighted the heck out of it. Turned out to be the continuation to a book titled "What To Do Until Love Finds You." Bought that one too. I was in and out of relationships at the time and they really helped me gain perspective, pointing my focus away from lovey dovey relationships to my relationship with God. I remember thinking to myself I want to write like this woman! But I was too insecure in my inexperience and lack of knowledge.

Years passed by and the desire to help young people find a Biblical perspective on dating still sat in the back of my mind but my insecurities were always greater. I needed motivation...fuel. That fuel came a little over two years ago. I was was so fired up about a conversation that had taken over all the common areas of the college I was at. It worked its way into the dorms, and a lot of people were heated up about it. People were stating opinions openly and things were being revealed about how people really viewed dating.

See dating isn't Biblical. You can search and search but you will not find it. There are many things that can be applied to a dating relationship but there is no Biblical mandate for how it should be done. Because of this, the Christian dating scene is in crisis.

At that moment two years ago when I realized all of this, I started unofficially blogging on my Facebook page in the Notes section, calling it Chocolate Chronicles. I started doing what God had planted in my mind years ago, but again I began to feel unqualified. I wanted to study it more and become more knowledgeable before I wrote anymore. But life happened and soon it was put on the back back burner of a house I had long since moved out of, completely forgotten.

This week I was scanning my news feed on Facebook and noticed someone posted a link to a blog called "How to Live Your Great Love Story." Curious, I clicked on it and read. I thoroughly enjoyed all the points the author made and finished it thinking I'm going to share this with every young and single person I know. They need to know this stuff. So I did. I posted the link on my Facebook wall and went back to the blog to post a comment (I liked it that much). That's when I noticed the amount of controversy this blog had generated. It floored me. I got so worked up I posted a reply to one of the negative comments, giving her a little piece of my mind.

The next day I checked back and realized the blog post had been deleted. The author explained that he did not realize how offensive some people had taken it so to not further offend anyone he was removing it to give it more thought and consideration before reposting it later on down the road.

Why was this blog on dating so controversial to so many Christians? Why does talking about it get so many riled up and create so many volatile reactions from so many people? Why is it that our current state of dating within the Christian bubble causes so many broken people filled with regret? And why do we continue in this destructive manner?

So the Bible doesn't have a mandate to follow to the letter. Does that mean we follow what society dictates? What is the solution? This has once again stirred up so much within me. Ok so I'm inexperienced. Ok so I'm not an expert in this area. I don't think I care any more. I'm sick of this current state and I want answers. I'm determined to find them. Nancy Drew move over!

How's a woman to act? Do you play hard to get? Or is that a game of manipulation? Do you be honest and forth coming but not too honest lest you scare him away? How important of a role does attraction play? Should it be more important than what is on the inside or be even? What are the physical boundaries? Do they differ with each couple? What are the emotional boundaries? What does it really mean to guard your heart and who's responsibility is that?

I know I am not the only single girl who thinks about these very questions. I may over think everything, but hey someone has to.

grace

I've started a new Bible study this week. It's by Beth Moore which means that it is excellent. It doesn't matter what the topic is, she always does an excellent job digging into the Bible and highlighting things that cause me to think harder and push myself more than any other author has before. She teaches me that nothing compares to spending time in the Word of God, and that is the way it should be. This particular devotional is on the life of David. It's called David: 90 Days With A Heart Like His.

I'm only on day two so far, but I love it already. Moore points out how David was not a random choice for the throne in I Samuel 16, but was a planned and orchestrated choice by God. She speaks of his prominent role in the lineage of Christ. She says, "I never fail to be encouraged by Christ's heritage. How do you respond to the fact that the only perfect person in Christ's genealogy is Christ Himself? To me, Christ's flawed family history serves as a continual reminder of the grace of God in my life. In my human desire for perfection, I want to be so good that I need no one and no thing....But whenever my perfectionism kicks in, I run back to Scripture--to the only source of perfection (Rom. 3:23-24)."

God's grace is so astonishing to me. It is unfathomable. When I think of myself and all of my flaws and weaknesses, I get consumed with my own uselessness. It is so refreshing and encouraging to be reminded that God uses people in spite of their flaws and weaknesses.

There is a series written by Francine Rivers called Lineage of Grace. It's the stories of the five most unlikely women who were divinely placed within the lineage of Christ: Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary. To read about these women and their lives and see how God used them in such a mighty way is a great reminder that He can use any of us as long as we are willing. I highly recommend these books. They are each quick reads and its now been published in one volume unlike the five individual books I originally bought.

So today I ask you to think about what is holding you back. Is it fear? As Beth Moore says, "What's been the cost of not letting the Holy Spirit be in total control of your life?" How can you change that?

 Let yourself be taken away by His grace. As it says in my favorite song "If grace were an ocean, we'd be sinking." So find hope in that and let go of all the rest. Who knows what God has in store for you.

lazy days

Here I sit. In my bed. Feeling all kinds of lazy. I have had a rough couple of days, but I must say they were a breeze in comparison to the pain I was feeling before. As an update, I started having some abdominal pain in the middle of July. Clueless me had no idea what was happening so I change my diet up and cut out some things. It still happened. Then last Sunday it was really bad. Started while we were at church. I felt nauseated and in so much pain. It happened again Thursday night, but much milder. Then again Friday night. I woke up because of the pain at 3 am. I couldn't lay down, I couldn't sit up, I couldn't even stand up. It just hurt too much. I knew something was far more serious then just something I was eating. So I finally drove myself to the ER (Shay was out of town).

They ran some tests and found out I had a gallstone. That little tiny stone was causing all that trouble. So dumb. They did a procedure on Saturday afternoon. I was so scared of not the procedure and all the risks the doctor was telling me about but of the actual anesthesia. I don't know why, but I am scared to death of that stuff. I don't like loosing control. I'm almost positive it stems from all the seizures I used to have. I had a panic attack at the dentist when they gave me the gas stuff to pull my wisdom teeth. I made them stop, and opted to go without. I can't stand it. I don't have that option here. So as they hooked me up and gave me the special cocktail, tears formed in my throat and I kept praying “God, please keep me calm.” That was the last thing I remember. I woke up so thankful that God kept me not only safe but calm. You have no idea just how much that meant to me.

A piece of advice...never give a girl her phone while she's still under the influence of drugs. Apparently, I was on facebook before I was coherent. Jim was there taking pictures of me to send to my mom for peace of mind and I offered to make a funny face for him. I can't believe the picture he took. Alyssa came as well, in place of my mom and sister. She was the informant. I could not remember a thing that went down. So thankful to have such good friends.

So Sunday, I was feeling good. Felt back to normal. Slightly sore and still a little nauseous as they told me I would be. I even went to church and had a slice of pizza to eat. But Monday was not so good. Monday, I was really really weak and dizzy. There were some signs of possible internal bleeding. I went and had some lab work done. The guy was awesome. He took my blood so fast and he was funny too. Made the whole process easy. He even checked out Shay's veins. I think that was his way of flirting. No worries, she flashed her diamond and told him her veins were taken.

Shay said since I was such a good girl, she was going to treat me to some frozen yogurt. Well, we never made it. I started to pass out in the car. It was a scary time for me, but Shay stayed calm. She was driving and still helping me breath and stay focused on her. She was amazing. I am so very very thankful to have such an awesome nurse at my side.

The signs didn't stop by Tuesday morning so they asked me to come back to the ER. Derick brought me this time. He eased the tension a little for me by writing dumb questions for the doctor on the dry erase board. They ended up deciding to go through the procedure again and insert a camera to see if I was bleeding still and so forth. So here we go again. Not only did God help me through it, but He took my fear away. The result being no more bleeding. It had been bleeding but had stopped on its own. So today I am resting, taking it easy. I feel sore still but that could be from the second procedure.

I know some of this is too much info for some of you, but I wanted to give peace of mind to the moms who were worried but for another reason as well. This was a little something I thought about since I've had so much time on my hands lately. A spiritual something that I've taken away from this. Sin should be like that gallstone in our lives. When there is even a small amount we should be able to feel it and know its presence. It should make us so uncomfortable that we can't function. So uncomfortable that we have to be rid of it ASAP.

I've also found in my life that I hold onto the sin. I'm too scared to let go, like I was too scared to go to the ER or undergo the anesthesia. Even knowing the pain its causing me, I'm still hesitant. But we must let go. We must remove the sin in our lives hence it destroy us. The procedure only appears scarier than it is, and God promises the rewards far outweigh anything you could be holding onto.

There are signs of the venomous sin as well, that you are holding onto it. You just have to keep an eye out for them. Too often we become numb to the pain. We've endured it for so long that we ignore it and treat it as a normal fixture in our lives. That's not the way to live. We want to live free of burden. Free of pain. The sin in our lives costs us, but as Roy Hession said in his book Calvary Road, “On our knees we must go with it to Calvary and see Jesus there and get a glimpse of what that sin cost Him.”

Just the passing thoughts of a very lazy girl today.