Kade Jameson Kerns

In celebration of my charming nephew's first birthday, I've asked my sister, Jessica, to share Kade's story. So without further ado, here it is...

Kade Jameson Kerns.

My miracle.

My glimpse of God's goodness.

“He's perfect!”

Those were the words that tumbled from my mouth moments after my son was vacuumed from my body. Yes, I said vacuumed. That should have been the first red flag that my charming little boy was going to be quite the adventure. After three days of labor and not enough progress, I was finally taken in for a C-section, but Kade was just not quite ready to face the world. Thank God for vacuums.

He screamed louder than you could imagine, and unfortunately, that scream has stuck with him since. I remember the doctor saying he was an A++ baby or a 9/9 which is a score they rate the babies after they are born. What that meant was that he was as perfect as can be. These were the words I longed to hear as I lay strapped to a bed after the C-section. After forty long and miserable weeks, I was finally able to meet my precious miracle, Kade.

Twelve hours after we were released from the hospital, we noticed Kade felt warm and decided to take his temperature. It read 100.7, which seemed a bit elevated from the temperatures he had while at the hospital. We had a pediatrician appointment the very next day so we debated whether we should just wait until the appointment or take him in earlier. Brandon did not want to wait. He insisted we call the pediatrician and ask even though we were trying to persuade him to wait.

To this day, I am so grateful for Brandon's anxiety over this matter. It turned out to be the biggest blessing. Later we would find out that had we waited just one more day, Kade would no longer be with us. Our pediatrician told us to come in immediately. Because I was still recovering from my C-section, my mom insisted on going with Brandon while I caught up on my rest. I laid down and after two hours I woke up to find out my son was being admitted back into the hospital. So many thoughts rushed through my mind, but I don't think I came close to being prepared for what was about to happen.

Meningitis and bacterial infection were two things they suspected at first. They immediately sent out for cultures and did a spinal tap. I remember the pain of knowing my son was being pricked and prodded and I couldn't even hold him. I had developed a fever of my own and was not allowed near my son or in the maternity ward.

We were told they would need to keep him in the NICU for at least two days. After two days, we were told he would need another five days. After five days, it turned into another twenty-one. In those first days, my son was put on four antibiotics and received every test that was humanly possible to take, yet they found nothing.

On August 10^th, we received unexpected and unwanted news. It was 11:30pm when my phone rang. Now, for those of you who know me, you know I NEVER answer my phone. But for some reason that night I did. It was the doctor calling to inform me that my son had been digressing since Brandon had left earlier that night. His heartbeat had reached three hundred and all of his vitals were failing. They told me they had contacted Children's Hospital and had assigned emergency transport. Kade now need a level three NICU and that they were “scared he might not make it through the night.”

When you go from hearing you baby is “a perfect A++ baby” to “he may not last the night,” there is something inside you that dies. It was as if my heart stopped beating and my world completely stopped.

They went on to say that if Brandon wanted to follow the paramedic, he could if he go to the hospital quickly. I tried running out into the living room to tell everyone, but words failed me. How could life take such a turn? What was even wrong? How was he fine the week before? Was God's purpose just to allow him a few days' visit on this earth? I had so many questions racing through my mind and a barrage of emotions hitting me at once.

It is amazing how fast you can love someone you barely even know. Kade had only been in my life for a matter of days before I heard the words that he might be gone. But somehow in that short time, I had come to love him more than I thought possible. Kade Kerns was supposed to be number 56 on the football field while I stood cheering from the bleachers. Mr. Kade Kerns was supposed to be smart and talented and kind. He was supposed to do big things for God and hopefully change the world. See, in my mind, Kade needed more time on this earth. I was forced to face the reality that God's plans may differ drastically from my own.

Kade was admitted to St. Elizabeth's in Boston. He was at a level three NICU, which held the babies that had lots of problems. After five days of not seeing my baby boy, they finally allowed me in. I remember walking in and my heart breaking for all of the families crowding around their sick babies. I cried for them and felt sorry for them thinking they were worse off than my own child. Little did I know that Kade was listed as the worst one in the unit. I had no clue.

My baby had been placed in isolation. It was a bright and cold room that frightened me. You had to scrub in, wear gloves, and put on a sterile suit before ever stepping foot into the room. My son lay naked on a small bed at the center of the room. He was surrounded by wires, needles inserted into his hands and feet, monitors hooked up, and what looked like a large fish bowl or clear globe over his head for oxygen. At this point, he was so dehydrated that his skin had started to peel. He went from being a healthy looking baby to an ashen gray color. His veins were visible through his thin skin. I fell to my knees and wept at the sight. That was not my baby. This was not how it was supposed to be.

Kade was fully dependent on oxygen as his lungs were filled with fluid and he had developed severe pneumonia. He was now on five antibiotics, which made his eyes roll in every direction. The nurses had to start taking blood from his head because they had run out of places on his tiny body. They confirmed our worst fears. Our child was very sick. It wasn't what we wanted to hear. On a positive note, they had finally narrowed it down and believed to have figured out what was wrong with him.

Herpes Simplex Virus, referred to as HSV type 1. What I began to learn was there were different types of herpes. People tend to automatically think of genital herpes because it is the most commonly known form. However, this was not what Kade had. Kade had tested positive to HSV type 1 which is the virus that shows up in the form of cold sores. It took me awhile to understand this. We sat at a conference table for hours each day with twenty different doctors to have them explain to me how a cold sore almost killed my son. What happened is someone, within his first few days of life had HSV1 and gave it to Kade by either holding him closely or kissing him.

Apparently, ninety-five percent of Americans have HSV1 even if they have never had a cold sore in their life. Most of the time it is passed to you by your mother. You can have HSV1 and never know. The odd thing is I tested negative and therefore did not pass on the virus to Kade nor did I pass on any antibodies to fight it which means I am one of the five percent. However, at this point, Kade had passed it on to me.

If you have HSV1, you could be spreading the virus without knowing it. A cold sore is a sign of what they term “shedding” or spreading of the virus. Someone who worked with or visited Kade was shedding and through contact passed it on to him. Because I did not have it initially, he did not possess the antibodies to fight it off.

Because a baby's immune system is a clean slate, a virus takes advantage and goes about ruining the body as fast as it can. A baby's body can come in contact with any type of virus at an early age and it will attack the main organs first. It will attack the liver, lungs, heart, brain and then move onto the eyes, ears, and so on. Sure enough, that is was happened. Kade's heart was no longer beating regularly. His liver count had skyrocketed and was shutting down. His lungs were filling with fluid and extremely weak. And his third spinal tap showed that the virus had moved to his spinal chord and brain.

We were told at this point that if our son lived there was no guarantee concerning what kind of life he would lead. It was explained to us that out of the babies that had come in contact with this particular virus fifty percent of them died within the first few days. Twenty-five percent were completely brain dead and lived in a vegetative state. The remaining twenty-five percent would suffer from neurological defects such as seizures and abnormal development.

At this point, I didn't know how I should pray. I just remember praying “not my will, but Yours be done.” I humbled myself and pushed my desires aside and asked God what He desired.  If God wanted to miraculously heal him, I would praise Him. But if Kade's purpose was just to live for two weeks or live a life in a brain dead state, I would still praise Him.

Brandon and I sat back and watched God show up in a big way. For the twenty-one days he spent in St. Elizabeth's, we watched God heal each individual organ in his body. The nurses said they saw things they had never seen before in their careers. They took pictures of Kade and told us he would be in the medical books. They had never seen a baby this young pull through something like this. It was such a rare story, but to them it also had a rare ending.

Kade somehow left NICU with instructions to have physical therapy three times a week, antibiotics three times a day for a year, weekly blood test for six months, and bi-monthly for the following six months. He was to have appointments with neurologists and cardiologists. To date, Kade had yet to fulfill any of these instructions because he has surpassed everything they expected. We still have to examine his development but so far Kade is the smartest baby I know (although, I may be biased).

See, God's plan was not to take him early, but to use Kade to show me and Brandon many things. Never before had we ever been brought to our knees in such desperation. We had never known loss until this. We had both lost our jobs and were homeless during that time. We learned total dependence on God. We learned what real worship and prayer was like. We learned how to love on those who are hurting as we were surrounded by many hurting families with their sick babies. We learned that God uses things to bring Him glory even if it doesn't make sense to us.

Now every time I look into Kade's big blue eyes, I thank God. Every time I think things can't be worse, I remember it isn't that bad. Every time I want to complain, I remember to be grateful. And every time I want to doubt God's goodness, I am reminded of His unending love.