patience

Patience. 

We all want to be at the receiving end of it but find it more difficult to possess. 

As you know, I just turned thirty this year and still single. This area of my life is where impatience often shows its ugly face. 

At times, I have been guilty of manipulating situations to make something happen and when it does, I call it God's work.

 I'm left broken and confused about why it did not work out.

Recently, I was reminded of a king in the Bible named Saul. Israel had been without a king and they wanted one because the surrounding areas all had kings. They grew impatient waiting on God and demanded that Samuel provide them with one. They did not realize that God had selected David in his youth and was preparing him for the throne. Because of their impatience, Saul was given to them as their king.

In I Samuel 13, Saul experienced a moment of panic in the middle of a battle. As a result, he made a poor choice instead of waiting on Samuel and took matters into his own hands. In the end, he lost not only the battle but his kingdom. Who knows what God would have done or how God could have used Saul if he had merely exercised patience.

I find I have much in common with this passage of Scripture. Sometimes I am so desperate for a relationship because everyone around me is in one. Oh, the depths of desperation that I have crawled to in my lifetime! It is not worth repeating. Some of which I am so embarrassed of that I still have not been able to talk to certain guys in my past because of the way I had acted. The amount of begging and pleading that I've done is so shameful. I hope to save you from that. Too often we think because everyone else has a man, we need one too. In the end, we settle for whatever comes available to appease our desire. God has so much more in store for you. There is no begging or embarrassing situations required. All God asks is that you wait on Him.

You may be like me and growing impatient with your lack of marital status. 

God's timing is perfect. 

He really does know what He is doing. 

It is not about getting what we “deserve” or want, but about surrendering all to God—including our dreams of a wedding. 

The ultimate challenge is giving up your own will and submitting it to God, relinquishing all rights. 

If we choose to do it our way instead of waiting on Him, we may just be saying “Give me a king, any king,”

 when God is preparing a David.

indescribable

I'm a sucker for adjectives and adverbs. I was the weird girl in English class that got all excited about diagramming. There are so many ways to describe things. So many words, wonderful words that open up the mind. Words that enlighten you and give a better understanding.

However there is One that no adjective or adverb could ever describe. The mind cannot fathom Him and His greatness. This video encompasses some of that.

That's my King! During this time of year, it is so easy to lose sight of the purpose behind it all. It is so easy to lose sight of what is truly important. It isn't about the gifts and the parties. It isn't even about spending time with family and loved ones.


"For God loved the world so much that He gave His one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 NLT


Christmas is about the gift of salvation. Do you know Him? Do your loved ones know Him? There aren't enough words in our dictionary to fathom His complexity and power, but His gift is simple. It blows my mind to think that a God that big came to this filthy and disgusting earth to die for me. He died for my sin. My complacency. My stubbornness. My selfishness. He did it for you too. 


So I ask you this again, do you know Him? Is He your King? 

drowning

I'm writing this blog not to receive pity, but just with a desire to be raw and open. I've struggled for a long time with unhappiness. I have allowed Satan to rob me of my joy. I've fallen prey to his lies and believed every one of them.

In a moment of absolute despair last night, all I could hear was “you're not good enough. Not funny enough. Not thin enough. Not pretty enough. Not loud enough. Not fast enough. Not strong enough. Not patient enough...You are not enough!”

It's been a mantra of sorts that has played in my head incessantly. I can't get rid of it. It has effected every area of my life. But the worst of all is it has made me...shall I actually confess it out loud??...angry at God. That's been Satan's intent all along. He only wants you to take your focus off Christ and turn it on yourself. Eventually, you'll turn on your Creator too. It isn't something that happens overnight. It just starts with one thought that goes unchecked. This is why II Corinthians 10:5 tells us to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

There's a saying about bitterness—it is like drinking poison and then waiting for the other person to die. How much worse is it when you realize the anger and bitterness you feel is actually directed at God??

While I was drowning in the depths of my own self pity and self hatred, a song came on my Pandora that was a little misplaced. See, I was listening to Christmas music when all of the sudden the familiar notes of Tenth Avenue North came through the speakers. If you've read any of my blogs, you know that I love music and lyrics.

Here I am loathing so much about myself and how God created me, building up a wall of bitterness and the lyrics are saying...

I'll be by your side

Wherever you fall

In the dead of night

Whenever you call

Please don't fight

These hands that are holding you

No matter how far I fall. He's still there. To love me in spite of all my flaws. In spite of all my “not enoughs.” At the end of the day it really doesn't matter if I'm enough, because let's face it, He is enough. More than enough.

trees

I look out the window to the tree line below. Winter is beginning to set in. All the leaves are gone. No color or sign of life remains. Barren. Lonely. Gloomy. Yet, I find hope in that. To me, and maybe only me, there is beauty in the barren tree.

Just like the trees, our lives go through seasons. Solomon instructs in Ecclesiastes 3 that there is “a time to every purpose under heaven.” There's the time of laughter, dance, and celebration. There is the time of change. But then comes the dreaded times in our lives. The times of mourning, weeping, and death. They are inevitable, but necessary for life.

See, the beauty I find in those barren branches is the hope that surrounds them. They possess a hope that their branches will once again be filled to abundance with lush green leaves and the blossoms of Spring. There is a hope of new life. And just like the trees, we also possess a hope.

“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” -II Corinthians 5:17 NLT

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” -Philippians 1:6 NLT  

trust issues

Daily I struggle with allowing God to do His work. I always want to do it instead. The Bible says we are at war with our flesh. Our minds want to serve God but our flesh works against us. It's our sin nature, a continual fight. But once I've heard it called the beautiful fight, a fight worth fighting.

Sometimes I do everything on my own and leave little to no room for God in my life: my jobs, my relationships, my finances, etc. Then there are other times I back off and do nothing. Neither avenue works. I just find myself lost with no direction.

As a child I loved the image of God as the Potter and me as the clay. He wants to create a beautiful vessel, a masterpiece, in you. It is important to remember that He has a plan and is doing a work in our lives. It's difficult at times to be that malleable clay that is required. You can't work with clay once it's become hardened and stubborn. Too often we become unusable just like the hardened clay. We try to create ourselves and just end up like an ashtray made in summer camp for only a grandmother to love, or sometimes worse. 

We need to recognize our weaknesses and frailty. Our flesh is like a woman in the middle of a shoe and chocolate sale (one day that will happen simultaneously and I'll be doomed). Our flesh wants us to fail. The great news is God is strong and He will give us the strength to fight our desire for control.

It comes down to a trust issue. Do you trust God to mold you and shape you? Or do you become stubborn and want to do it on your own? If you aren't allowing God then you are preventing Him. There's no in between. Let Him finish the work He's doing in and through you. Trust Him that He knows best.




Give Me Faith by Elevation Worship.

I need You to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need You to open my eyes
To see that You're shaping my life
All I am 
I surrender
Give me faith to trust what You say
That You're good and Your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give You my life
I may be weak
Your Spirit's strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will.