inadequate

You know that feeling when you are so out of your element it's not even funny. Like the time I mistakenly thought I could be an athlete and tried out for the track team and almost died halfway through the first lap (and that's when I was in shape). Or like Penny on Big Bang Theory when the guys are talking Quantum Physics. You feel inadequate.

I feel that way a lot when I think of some people with great faith such as Jim Elliot. Like I could never be like that. Or maybe modern day people that I look up to like Beth Moore. I wish I had her smarts and her ability to communicate those smarts. Or Tim Tebow, football aside, the man is crazy unique. I can't fathom the temptations he withstands, the obstacles he faces, and the determination he possesses to take the stand he takes. I feel inadequate.

I mentioned in my last post about Gideon. He felt inadequate too. He couldn't get past the way he viewed himself.

Then the LORD turned to him and said, "Go with the strength you have, and rescue Israel from the Midianites. I am sending you!" 

"But Lord," Gideon replied, "how can I rescue Israel? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!" Judges 6:14-15 NLT

God sees us as a masterpiece. He sees us as a work of art that He has created with His own hands. And too often we forget that. Pastor said God doesn't see us as we are, but as what we are to become in Him. We are a work in progress. We are the clay that He is molding and creating to become the beautiful and useful vessel.

I was doing my study in the life of David this morning, and Beth Moore was speaking about the moment in 2 Samuel 6 where David returned and danced without abandon before the Lord. It's kind of off subject, but I just kept thinking...What is it that hinders us from throwing caution to the wind and just living for God without abandon?

Why do we get so caught up in our limitations? It's a good thing that the Apostle Paul didn't get caught up in the whole “do you know what I did in the past, God?” Or what about Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary? You've got a schemer, prostitute, idol worshiper, adulterer, and an unknown virgin teenager all in the lineage of Christ. Wow!

Stop thinking about what you can't do and start asking God what He can.

change

Change. I like to change my clothes. My sister, Shay, really likes to change her clothes. 

In my family, something is wrong with you if you don't change your hair color at least 2 or 3 times a year, at least. 

I've always loved coin change. I like to save it up and take it to coin star and see how much I accumulated. 

I LOVE changing up the furniture in my room! I get that rearranging gene from my mother. My dad, brother, and new brother-in-law hate this because I have such heavy furniture. I can't stand how it is now and want to change it so badly, but I haven't figured out how yet. I just know I will never hear the end of it if I ask them to move it and I don't like it, yet again. 

I really enjoy changing my nail polish. When I was in high school there was this guy that liked my feet. I know, really weird. I should have taken that as a red flag, but at the time I thought it was cute. Since I wore flip flops every day to school, and he was always looking, I literally repainted my toes every night. I'm not sure who was weirder...me or him. Although I must say, I do have cute feet, but I digress.

Some people hate change. They despise it. They run from it. They can't handle the thought of moving the dresser to the other side of the room to give more space and accessibility. Who cares if its more logical. It's change and they can't do it. 

My church is starting a new series this Sunday called Epic Change. I am so excited about this, yet, at the same time scared to death. I know that this will affect the areas where I don't welcome change. 

I've been working through this study on the life of David by Beth Moore. I forget to do it some days then find its been a month since I had picked up the book. Wanting to get back into the habit of it at the beginning of the year, I joined my mom and sister the other day and we did it together. The other morning it was talking about Saul in I Samuel 28. In this passage, Saul is seeking an answer from God, but God is not responding. 

Beth Moore points out some reasoning behind why God may have been silent. She says, "God never responds haphazardly, nor does He withhold an answer without regard. Why is God silent at times? Isaiah 59:1-3 gives us one very valid explanation for God's occasional silence, and one which certainly applied to Saul at this time. Isaiah wrote:

Your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear."

There have been many moments in my life where I have felt like God has been silent, as if He isn't listening to me. I've become angry and bitter because areas of my life aren't changing. I've felt stagnant when I've wanted change, and I've blamed God for not paying attention to my requests and pleas.

This study really opened my eyes to feelings and thoughts I've kept repressed. Moore points out that in Isaiah it doesn't say God can't hear, but that He won't. She says, "He was waiting on me to confront and confess certain sins in my life. His silence suggested, 'I will not go on to another matter in your life, my child, until we deal with this one'."

Sometimes we interfere with our own possibility of change. We cannot grow, but must remain stagnant until we confess and confront the sins that hold us back. I want change. Even if its painful and uncomfortable. I don't want complacency anymore. I want to press forward and grow in Christ. I want to be able to face Him knowing I gave it my all. I don't want to look back and regret the years I refused to change. 

patience

Patience. 

We all want to be at the receiving end of it but find it more difficult to possess. 

As you know, I just turned thirty this year and still single. This area of my life is where impatience often shows its ugly face. 

At times, I have been guilty of manipulating situations to make something happen and when it does, I call it God's work.

 I'm left broken and confused about why it did not work out.

Recently, I was reminded of a king in the Bible named Saul. Israel had been without a king and they wanted one because the surrounding areas all had kings. They grew impatient waiting on God and demanded that Samuel provide them with one. They did not realize that God had selected David in his youth and was preparing him for the throne. Because of their impatience, Saul was given to them as their king.

In I Samuel 13, Saul experienced a moment of panic in the middle of a battle. As a result, he made a poor choice instead of waiting on Samuel and took matters into his own hands. In the end, he lost not only the battle but his kingdom. Who knows what God would have done or how God could have used Saul if he had merely exercised patience.

I find I have much in common with this passage of Scripture. Sometimes I am so desperate for a relationship because everyone around me is in one. Oh, the depths of desperation that I have crawled to in my lifetime! It is not worth repeating. Some of which I am so embarrassed of that I still have not been able to talk to certain guys in my past because of the way I had acted. The amount of begging and pleading that I've done is so shameful. I hope to save you from that. Too often we think because everyone else has a man, we need one too. In the end, we settle for whatever comes available to appease our desire. God has so much more in store for you. There is no begging or embarrassing situations required. All God asks is that you wait on Him.

You may be like me and growing impatient with your lack of marital status. 

God's timing is perfect. 

He really does know what He is doing. 

It is not about getting what we “deserve” or want, but about surrendering all to God—including our dreams of a wedding. 

The ultimate challenge is giving up your own will and submitting it to God, relinquishing all rights. 

If we choose to do it our way instead of waiting on Him, we may just be saying “Give me a king, any king,”

 when God is preparing a David.