change

Change. I like to change my clothes. My sister, Shay, really likes to change her clothes. 

In my family, something is wrong with you if you don't change your hair color at least 2 or 3 times a year, at least. 

I've always loved coin change. I like to save it up and take it to coin star and see how much I accumulated. 

I LOVE changing up the furniture in my room! I get that rearranging gene from my mother. My dad, brother, and new brother-in-law hate this because I have such heavy furniture. I can't stand how it is now and want to change it so badly, but I haven't figured out how yet. I just know I will never hear the end of it if I ask them to move it and I don't like it, yet again. 

I really enjoy changing my nail polish. When I was in high school there was this guy that liked my feet. I know, really weird. I should have taken that as a red flag, but at the time I thought it was cute. Since I wore flip flops every day to school, and he was always looking, I literally repainted my toes every night. I'm not sure who was weirder...me or him. Although I must say, I do have cute feet, but I digress.

Some people hate change. They despise it. They run from it. They can't handle the thought of moving the dresser to the other side of the room to give more space and accessibility. Who cares if its more logical. It's change and they can't do it. 

My church is starting a new series this Sunday called Epic Change. I am so excited about this, yet, at the same time scared to death. I know that this will affect the areas where I don't welcome change. 

I've been working through this study on the life of David by Beth Moore. I forget to do it some days then find its been a month since I had picked up the book. Wanting to get back into the habit of it at the beginning of the year, I joined my mom and sister the other day and we did it together. The other morning it was talking about Saul in I Samuel 28. In this passage, Saul is seeking an answer from God, but God is not responding. 

Beth Moore points out some reasoning behind why God may have been silent. She says, "God never responds haphazardly, nor does He withhold an answer without regard. Why is God silent at times? Isaiah 59:1-3 gives us one very valid explanation for God's occasional silence, and one which certainly applied to Saul at this time. Isaiah wrote:

Your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear."

There have been many moments in my life where I have felt like God has been silent, as if He isn't listening to me. I've become angry and bitter because areas of my life aren't changing. I've felt stagnant when I've wanted change, and I've blamed God for not paying attention to my requests and pleas.

This study really opened my eyes to feelings and thoughts I've kept repressed. Moore points out that in Isaiah it doesn't say God can't hear, but that He won't. She says, "He was waiting on me to confront and confess certain sins in my life. His silence suggested, 'I will not go on to another matter in your life, my child, until we deal with this one'."

Sometimes we interfere with our own possibility of change. We cannot grow, but must remain stagnant until we confess and confront the sins that hold us back. I want change. Even if its painful and uncomfortable. I don't want complacency anymore. I want to press forward and grow in Christ. I want to be able to face Him knowing I gave it my all. I don't want to look back and regret the years I refused to change. 

grace

I've started a new Bible study this week. It's by Beth Moore which means that it is excellent. It doesn't matter what the topic is, she always does an excellent job digging into the Bible and highlighting things that cause me to think harder and push myself more than any other author has before. She teaches me that nothing compares to spending time in the Word of God, and that is the way it should be. This particular devotional is on the life of David. It's called David: 90 Days With A Heart Like His.

I'm only on day two so far, but I love it already. Moore points out how David was not a random choice for the throne in I Samuel 16, but was a planned and orchestrated choice by God. She speaks of his prominent role in the lineage of Christ. She says, "I never fail to be encouraged by Christ's heritage. How do you respond to the fact that the only perfect person in Christ's genealogy is Christ Himself? To me, Christ's flawed family history serves as a continual reminder of the grace of God in my life. In my human desire for perfection, I want to be so good that I need no one and no thing....But whenever my perfectionism kicks in, I run back to Scripture--to the only source of perfection (Rom. 3:23-24)."

God's grace is so astonishing to me. It is unfathomable. When I think of myself and all of my flaws and weaknesses, I get consumed with my own uselessness. It is so refreshing and encouraging to be reminded that God uses people in spite of their flaws and weaknesses.

There is a series written by Francine Rivers called Lineage of Grace. It's the stories of the five most unlikely women who were divinely placed within the lineage of Christ: Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary. To read about these women and their lives and see how God used them in such a mighty way is a great reminder that He can use any of us as long as we are willing. I highly recommend these books. They are each quick reads and its now been published in one volume unlike the five individual books I originally bought.

So today I ask you to think about what is holding you back. Is it fear? As Beth Moore says, "What's been the cost of not letting the Holy Spirit be in total control of your life?" How can you change that?

 Let yourself be taken away by His grace. As it says in my favorite song "If grace were an ocean, we'd be sinking." So find hope in that and let go of all the rest. Who knows what God has in store for you.