comfort level

I've still been dwelling a lot on the whole concept of change. There have been many, many changes in my life and the lives of my family members these last couple of years. Jess and I graduated from school, Aaron from high school. My parents left everything in Florida, moved then moved again. Shay made the heartbreaking decision to file for divorce. Jess and Brandon said "I do." I moved from Boston to Boise. Shay and I moved from Boise back to Boston. Now we are all back together again, serving at a church in New Hampshire. Oh, and there will be another major change coming on August 4th-ish...when I become an aunt. Yes, Jess and Brandon are expecting. 


Life is full of change and we must be open to it. Yes, I still think about the days when life seemed so much easier and comfortable. But I realized this week, we aren't called to be comfortable or complacent. That isn't what we are here for. That isn't our purpose. 


For example, I'm not a limelight kinda girl. I'm behind the scenes, or behind the computer. I write. I don't speak publicly or stand center stage. I've always enjoyed singing, and in my family its just what we do. My sisters have these phenomenal power house voices. I could never compete, nor did I want to. So I learned to harmonize. 


Now recently I was given the opportunity to sing with the worship team at church. I've done this before, but always in a small church, never in one the size of the church I am now attending. Scared out of my mind, and way out of my element, I went for it knowing this was what God wanted from me. I had the safety net of my sister on stage and I was not asked to lead, therefore all was good. I finally became comfortable. 


Bad mistake. Never become comfortable. They decided to give Shay a weekend off. I didn't have a safety net. I needed her. I couldn't do it on my own. Then they gave me not one, but two songs. Yikes. Were these people crazy? I practiced and practiced. Then right before the first note came out of my mouth I realized something. 


It doesn't matter. God could use me regardless of my nerves. Regardless of my inability to transform into Carrie Underwood, Beyonce, or Kelly Clarkson. Regardless of any of it. Because it wasn't about me. It never is about me. It's always about Him. I think that's why He's so quick to use those who need Him most. Because you can see that much more of God's power.


In Judges 7, it's the story of Gideon fighting the Midianites. They start with 32,000 men and God says "too many." God continues to weed through the men until finally only 300 remain. They ended up entering the enemy camp armed with only a ram's horn and clay pot. And they won!


God wants you to see where you end and He begins. He wants you to remember it is all about Him. I love that in the process He's still able to use me in spite of all my failings and inabilities. I'll give up some comfort for that any day.