...and the fun begins

Introducing the first ever official blog by me. Just a random collection of thoughts and opinions.

Because of some recent events in my life, I have become more reflective than normal. I find myself contemplating and analyzing much more than I usually do. I've also started journaling more through this process. I'm learning so much as I go, and I just feel the need to share. I've never really saw the point of blogging, but I've seen it in a different light recently. My purpose is not to complain nor to receive pity from people. I just know that everything has a purpose. If there is one person out there going through something similar and I can be an encouragement, then I don't feel so bad for myself anymore.

My 29^th birthday is right around the corner. I don't know if most people encounter such anxiety reaching their 29^th birthday as I have, but frankly I'm starting to worry about how I'm going to be before I turn 30 if 29 is this bad.

I just keep looking back at my 20s and wondering where they went and what I accomplished. I feel like I just wasted a whole decade. I'm thinking its a good thing that I've been so reflective in my last week or so at 28. This way I can really live up my 29^th year and make amends, or at least attempt to before I turn 30. I have one year and one week to accomplish something.

Here's my plan...first, I graduate this year. (And the angels sing “Hallelujah!”) It's about time. I will also be fulfilling my lifelong dream of traveling to Italy. As a bonus, I will also be visiting Israel. What could possibly be better then 14 days in Italy and Israel? Nothing. Well, maybe taking chocolate on my trip.

I had high hopes of being in love this year. Who am I kidding? I have high hopes every year. The thing is, God just doesn't have it in His plan. This is probably my biggest struggle right now. Majority of my friends are now celebrating their 5^th wedding anniversary, or welcoming their third child, or on their second marriage ha. I'm still waiting.

The conundrum for me is what does waiting entail? I know it's not wise to just wait. I've tried that. Part of the reason I accomplished nothing in my twenties. I know that I need to keep myself busy and active and accomplishing things, but then I'm too busy to meet any one. Where's the middle ground?

Another issue I'm having, let's face it, men my age who are still single are single for a reason. I know the same can be said about me but lets not get into that haha. Most men are either sexually-obsessed with commitment issues, or the 40-yr-old virgin type who has an assortment of collectible toy figurines, or the divorcee with lots of baggage.

In the last few months, I thought I had found someone only to be told that he had chosen someone else over me. It has been difficult these last few weeks trying to push my dreams back into the dusty corners of my mind. God says it's not time. I have to trust Him. He knows what is best.

This is much easier said than done. I don't always understand His ways nor His timing, but I trust Him.