good vs evil

I remember the tragic day of April 20, 1999, like it was yesterday. I was in my junior year of high school . It just hit too close to home. I read the biography of Cassie Bernall as soon as it was published. Soon after, I purchased the book about Rachel Scott. I was never able to get through it. I had an emotional breakdown with each page. Too much for me to bear at such a young age.

Thirteen years later, we are faced with another senseless tragedy. My stomach turns. My heart breaks. The moment they released the names, it all became too real. They weren't just numbers anymore. They were real people with names, with families, with futures.

I can't help but think about Christmas around the corner. Last week, the media was covering debates over "holiday" trees and banned nativity scenes. This week, most of our media will seek the advice or comfort of a church or a religious group. Most of our country will attend a church service. Last week, we wanted nothing to do with God. This week, we wonder where He was during this tragedy.

The father of Rachel Scott was asked to speak in a congressional hearing after his daughter's death. This is some of what he said:

"Since the dawn of creation, there has been both good and evil in the hearts of men and women, and we all contain those seeds: We contain the seeds of kindness and we contain the seeds of violence. And the death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other 11 children who died must not be in vain. Their blood cries out for answers...

"I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expressed my feelings best, and it was written before I knew that I would be speaking here today, and I'd like to read that:

Your law's ignored our deepest needs

Your words are empty air

You've stripped away our heritage

You've outlawed simple prayer

Now gunshots fill our classrooms

And precious children die

You seek for answers everywhere

And ask the question "why?"

You regulate restrictive laws

Through legislative creed

And yet you fail to understand

That God is what we need

"Men and women are three part being: we have a body, and we have a soul, and we have a spirit...And I believe we fail to recognize that third element, that really does need to be recognized by the legislative bodies of this country, that's been ignored for so long...

"We don't need more religion, we don't need more gaudy television evangelists spewing out verbal religious garbage, we do not need more million dollar church buildings built while people's basic needs are being ignored. We do need a change of heart and a humble acknowledgment that this nation was founded on the principle of simple trust in God."

"Seek good, not evil  that you may live. Then the Lord God Almighty will be with you, just as you say He is" (Amos 5:14 NIV).

This week, remember the true meaning of Christmas. Remember that Christ came to save, to redeem, to conquer evil. Burn this in your mind. Teach it to your children. Choose good. Choose God. And share with others. 

(You can find the full transcript of this speech here.)

blue-eyed Bing and Christmas things

It's that time of year...(I sang that by the way. Add the music in your own head as you read it. Or don't. It's up to you.) My favorite time of year. I love to decorate the tree. It's a tradition my mom and I share. The last few years it hasn't been the same, but we do what we can. In years past, I would put on some Bing Crosby, make some hot chocolate, and get to work making a tree Martha Stewart would envy. This year it was more of a "just get it done" thing.

I also love to shop. Yes, I am aware my shopping is a problem, but this is the one time of year I have a license to shop. This year we drew names. We can't afford to get everyone something, so one person buys for one person. I hate that. I want to give to everyone.

This year, for the first time we won't all be together. So if you are following along, no Bing Crosby, limited shopping, and no complete family. To add to this my birthday is this week. Used to be exciting. Now...not so much.

If I'm not careful, Christmas will lose its magic for me. I'll start focusing on all the things that are missing and thinking about all the things I wish I could do (like snow angels). Oh and let's not get started on those eHarmony commercials that just love to point out the fact that you're still single. Blast you online dating sites and your cheerful love-dovey commercials!

I have to remind myself that although Bing and hot chocolate are wonderful, they are not what Christmas is about. I get so caught up in myself that I forget about other people.

This is the time of year that people who are hurting hurt more. People who are lonely are lonelier than ever. They feel their loss more. Let us not get so caught up in our Christmas lists and strategic elf placements that we forget to tell our loved ones just how important they are to us. Forget about pricey gifts and flamboyant nonsense, find someone to love on this Christmas. Seek out those who may be hurting or lonely. Hold their hand, give them a hug, and just let them know how much they mean to you.

When you start thinking about others, you won't notice all the things you are "missing".

Brandon and Jessica Kerns

It's been almost two months since I last wrote a blog. It's been several months since I've even thought about writing my book. I'm exhausted. My mind is at a loss. I've been on a roller coaster for months now, and I think I'm finally getting somewhat accustomed to the constant up and down. I'm finding some clarity through the madness. Someday, I may write about all we've been through this last year or especially these last few months. However, today I just want to talk about my sister.

Jessica is special. She has unique gifts and abilities, but rarely had the confidence to use them. God has done a major work in her life the last few years. I credit Granite United Church for a lot of it. They helped her see her value and helped her develop her abilities. It's always hard to distinguish the truth from friends or relatives because you know they are bias, but when others say it you begin to believe it. That's what happened with Jess. She began to blossom and grow. I barely recognized the woman she became.

A couple years ago, a new kid showed up at school. He was humorous, kind, utmost gentlemen, and had an extreme love of ketchup. It was bound to happen. Not sure who fell first or if it was a simultaneous combustion, but God put these two together and nothing could separate them. It happened fast. No one understood it. It didn't make much sense, but Jessica and Brandon fell in love.

As quickly as the romance began, the relationship maintained speed throughout. They were engaged before the end of the year. It seemed as if they were married a few days later, although I know it was a little longer than that.

The words “Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love with you...” played softly as she floated down an aisle lined with candles towards the love of her life. There was no mistaking this union. It was meant to be and no one could stop the magnetic pull they each felt.

They wanted to take their time and enjoy being a married couple before having kids, but God just laughed at their plans. Ten months later Kade Jameson Kerns arrived.

This last year hasn't been easy. They had to fight to be together. They struggled to make the wedding happen. They worked hard to survive. They've been in and out of the hospital for almost three months. And now today, as they celebrate their one year anniversary, they are in a hospital again.

Some may wonder why God is punishing them so, but I see it differently. I think of Job. I think of how God CHOSE Job because He knew Job could handle it. He knew that it would only make Job stronger. It would only refine him. I believe God has something huge for this couple. He is refining them and molding them and preparing them for something big. He has chosen them. I feel so blessed to be able to witness the work being done in their lives. They have lived through and survived what others would never even attempt if given the chance. Their marriage is stronger because of it.

Happy Anniversary Jessica and Brandon!

Let it rain

When I was a little girl, my grandmother died. My parents asked if I wanted to go to the funeral, but having never been to one, I was too scared. So I stayed with my other grandma that night at her little shop. There was a little bed set up in the back of the store for me. That night I remember they had left the back door opened for some reason and I was lying on the bed staring out into the night. I cried and cried for the loss of my beloved grandmother. Then as if God mourned with me, the skies opened up and it began to rain.

 That was the night I fell in love with rain. Throughout the years rain has done its job, refreshing the land and refilling our water supplies. Somehow though it never fails. When someone close passes away, it rains. 

It rained for a week when Andy died. There were so many times that week that I hugged a friend and we ended up weeping in each others arms. That's how I picture it with rain. I like to tell myself that it's Gods way of comforting me, showing me that He is there with me. He's holding me and weeping with me. 

Tuesday morning a greatfriend of mine passed away. Pastor Dan Holland was rare. In the twenty years I've known him and his family, I have never seen him waver. I've never seen him fumble. I've never seen him be any less than 100% devoted to God and the church. 

He had such a calm and cheerful demeanor. He never had to command respect. He treated you in such a way that respect was easily given. Never too busy to give a hug or encouraging word. He was a very intelligent man but never was arrogant. So wise. 

He played a major role in my own spiritual development.  I will forever be grateful for the ministry he had at Community Baptist Church and Academy.  

Last night I attended the viewing. Hundreds, if not thousands, walked through that church last night. Each one of them was a life he had touched and invested in. 

It began to rain while we were waiting in line to get into the church. A few times the electricity cut off. Thunder rumbled. Lightning struck. The wind whipped. God was there. It wasn't the peaceful comfort I typically receive but more of the knowledge that God knew just how we all were feeling. 

As I walked away I saw the line go through the church, outside the church, and around. Most standing in the rain. 

My friend called me after she left. She wanted me to know that as she pulled out of the church parking lot there was a rainbow situated over top of the church. 

God knows this isn't easy but He promises that there is a purpose for it and that it all works out for good. 

Dan Holland inspired, encouraged, and invested in so many lives. It didn't end the moment he took his last breath. His impact will last and it will reach others.  

This morning is the funeral. Please pray for his family. My heart breaks for them...his wife Debby, his son Tim and his family, and his daughter Tracie and her family.  Pray also for his  church family. There are so many that are hurting. Pray that they will feel some of God's comfort today.

And let it rain. 

my overflow

I write another blog for the church and sometimes I find that writing just one isn't enough. I have an overflow of thoughts that cannot be contained. This last week at church, Pastor talked about the woman in I Kings 17 who was asked to feed Elijah. She had only enough to make a last meal for her and her son before finally succumbing to starvation and dying.

Recently, money has been tight. Like really tight. There are days when we are counting pennies and making each one stretch a little. Been here before. Survived. Will survive this too, but there are days when you just can't help but want to complain. You want to play the pity card. You want to scream in frustration and throw your hands up in defeat. Then...

Then you read I Kings 17. Hmmm...guess I may have blown my situation a little out of proportion. Feelings of embarrassment and guilt rush to the surface. Sorry for being such a drama queen, God. 

Not only did this woman restrain herself from a full out complaining session, but she fed Elijah. She did it. She sacrificed the last of her flour and oil to feed this man of God. 

I saw a status the other day that said "'Enoch walked with God and he was not, for God took him.' Let me walk with God in the same manner." I feel the same way with this passage. I hope I can possess the strength, the faith, and the surrender that this woman possessed.

make it count

I know I've mentioned it before, but sometimes I can't help but look back and regret time wasted. I think of all the things I could've should've done, but somehow never actually did. I always had excuses. I thought they were perfectly good excuses...at the time. Now I just see them as excuses.

The lessons learned are...

#1 Don't live in the past. Stop thinking about all the things that you can't change. Look ahead at the things you can change.

#2 Now this is the good part..."I am certain that God, who began the good work within you will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." (Phil. 1:6 NLT)

God has a plan. Everything up until now has been orchestrated by Him for a purpose. He is doing a work in and through you. And no matter how far you fall or how many opportunities you miss out on, He isn't giving up until Christ returns. Can I get an amen?

So I look forward, knowing He is still working on me. I'm still usable. And what an awesome thought is that?! No more time wasted. Make every minute count.

release

Feels like I've been here forever

Why can't You just intervene

Do You see the tears keep falling

And I'm falling apart at the seams

But You never said the road would be easy

But You said that You would never leave.

You never promised that this life wasn't hard

But You promised You'd take care of me

So I'll stop searching for the answers

I'll stop praying for an escape

I'll trust You God with where I am 

And believe that You will have Your way

Even if my dreams have died

Even if I don't survive

I'll still worship You with all my life

("Have Your Way" by Britt Nicole)

Too often I find myself praying that God make changes in my current situations. I long for an escape from the mundane. I forget that even now there is a work being done in my life. Even when I feel as if I am not making progress, not moving forward, it is because He is telling me "Wait." His will is perfect. His timing, impeccable. Who am I to question it? 

This does not mean I wait and do nothing. It may mean that I need to learn to "Let go and let God," releasing control. It may also mean there is a purpose in the here and now. Am I fulfilling it? And in the end, worshiping Him regardless of the outcome.

"The deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end but by making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: 'Thy will be done'."--Elisabeth Elliot